Columnist – John Sammon
Eight of the top Republican strategists are gathered in the 45th floor office of a skyscraper in New York to discuss how to recoup their recent losses and how to deal with Obama. Those gathered include Mike, Mary, Cesar, Neil, Scooter, Tad and Frank, and also Herky, a stalwart since the Watergate Days, and also a Swift Boat veteran. Not present is the party’s new hope, a governor of Louisiana, a young man of East Indian descent.

“Okay, what are we gonna do?”

“An interesting question. Who would have thought the black bastard (Obama) would get that socialistic spending plan past us?”

“The Democrats are big spenders.”

“Herky, if I wanted information like that, I could go to a county fair and put a quarter in a fortune telling machine. Now if you can’t do any better, some of us may determine that your $240,000 salary is overblown.”

“You can’t talk to me like that, I was in Vietnam. What’s more, I don’t like this new guy you picked to send against the nigger. Sabu!”

“Herky, how many times have I told you not to use the N word? And not to call our new hair apparent Sabu. His name is Bobby. Sabu is demeaning and inappropriate.”

“It is, why? I could have called him a nigger too. You don’t like niggers.”

“I know. But none of us here are old enough to remember Sabu, except you.”

“Who was Sabu?” Tad asks.

“Some Indian kid in a sarong who ran around in jungle movies in the 1930s.”

“But don’t you think it’s rather obvious?” Mary works up her nerve and dares to ask.

“Does Mary have something to add?” Mike says insultingly.

“Well, yes. I mean, they elect the first black president, and then just like that, we come forward with our own person of color to try and mimic what they did. I mean, isn’t it kind of an obvious ploy? I mean, it didn’t work when McCain picked a woman running mate to try and get women to vote for him.”

“Mary, Mary, Mary,” Mike says sadly, as if dismissing her intelligence. “You know. Strategy, developing strategy in sessions like this, isn’t for everyone. The only reason you’re here is that if the transcript of this meeting should ever become public, we can say we had a woman involved, to try and please those feminist bitches out there. Now, why don’t you go get us some coffee, huh?”

Mary hurries off.

“Now, where were we? Oh yes, Sabu, I mean Bobby.”

“I think we have to come up with a smear against him (Obama).”

“It’s not easy.”

“Yeah, right now he’s too popular. He doesn’t seem to have any weakness we can exploit. But there’ll be something. Maybe one of his pals will screw up.”

“Either that, or we can hope the country goes down the drain.”

“You mean, hope the American people suffer so we can make political gains?”

“Some times, that’s what it takes. We have to re-educate the American people about our core values, and if they’re not willing to listen, maybe if the whole thing goes to hell in a hand basket, they’ll be ready to listen. Maybe if they suffer that will be good for ‘em. They’ll turn to us eventually, like they did in the past.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t got a Ronald Reagan to offer ‘em, only Sa..(Starts to say Sabu)..I mean, Bobby. He doesn’t look like Reagan, and when he talks, I can’t figure him out.”

“You think I like this guy? Reagan was a man’s man. This guy! When I see this guy, I see a turban on his head and a jewel between his eyes. But you go with what works. If dark skins are suddenly in vogue, you find yourself a dark skin of your own.”

“Yeah, McCain was so white he glowed in the dark.” Scooter laughs at his own joke, but nobody else does.

“Scooter. You need this job. You’re only here because of your past service and as a favor to dub-ya.”

“Sorry.”

“Now, where we?”

“Hoping the country collapses so we can blame it on Obama.”

“Yes. Well. I think it’s understood. Time is on our side. The farther away we get from last November, the better. We just need to keep up the pressure. Every time something goes wrong. Our best chance right now are the appointments. Obama appoints somebody and then we find a skeleton in the guy’s closet. We embarrass Obama.”

“That’s hard because he admits mistakes.”

“Yeah I agree. Honesty can be a problem. We haven’t had to deal with that before. But don’t worry, we’ll come up with something. Where’s Mary with that coffee?”

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