Columnist – John Sammon
The news that a conservative pundit had heart-attack-like chest pains while on vacation in Hawaii seems to pose an irony. Why would he, an avowed exclusionist, separatist, who wants an Andy Hardy America free of blacks and Mexicans (except as porters and melon pickers), choose to vacation in Hawaii, among the most racially mixed of all states?

The sight of so many people with un-pink skin must be unsettling to him.

Is it the great beaches? He doesn’t look good in a bathing suit. Too much time sitting and talking and not exercising.

I will not question his right to go where he pleases to relax or his need to because of his hectic schedule. But I’m still curious. Hawaii is also the home of his hated adversary Obama.

Does he like coconuts?

Hawaii stands for everything the pundit is not. It’s a place to be seen among people of color with your shirt off. Warm people. Friendly people. Aloha! Not for someone who mockingly says things like, “you’re a socialist terrorist traitor because you disagree with me.”

Not for someone who believes the state is filled with welfare-sucking leeches and people he considers to be niggers, gooks, pineapples (native Hawaiians), chinks, zips and more.

Whatever.

I’ve come up with a partial list of eight more appropriate vacation spots for ultra conservatives including the hate mongers at Fox News. This is so they can not only relax, but be more in their own element.

Cross of Iron, Wyoming. This tiny hamlet is home to the Thunderbolt Party, a group of neo-Nazi skinheads whose leader is a manure farmer named Earl and who are known to roll out the red carpet for any like-minded dignitary, welcoming the visitor with a ritualistic ceremony that includes pledges of white-only fealty, drawn sabers and lit candles amid swastika flags. Held in a secret cave in the side of a mountain above the town, everyone there has tattoos, wears leather jackets, Nazi medals and helmets, is crew-cut blonde, stocky and five-foot-seven, including the women.

Tierra Del Fuego Exclusiva Phase One. This gated, fenced, closed-off, high-society, camera-surveillance luxury two-story condominium development in Orange County California is renowned for its “white only” tenants and the exclusion of those considered the wrong people (except as gardeners), even those termed “million dollar niggers” (famous black athletes). Though segregation is officially unlawful, it is still largely successful here, evoking fond memories of the 1950s, a simpler time.

Children of any color are not allowed, making the grounds as quiet as a tomb.

Shoe shine boys of color are allowed occasional entrance if accompanied by an armed guard.

The Burning Sub-Human Festival. Held near the newly settled religious-political cult center of New Order, New Mexico, this celebration took its inspiration from a similarly-named event in Nevada, and is intended to gain sympathy for the idea that forestalling the possibility of mud races (people of color) achieving equal population with whites by mid-century is patriotic and will save democracy. A giant wooden figure with threatening colored racial features (big lips) is symbolically torched. Events include forming a ring of cheap mobile homes in a protective circle, massive beer drinking, and seminars such as how to keep non-whites doing menial jobs while denying them social services, restricting immigration to only beautiful blonde women from Sweden, and so on.

Ana Capa Island. Adolph Hitler and Abraham Lincoln favored deporting blacks to the African island of Madagascar. This is a flip of that idea. A for-whites-only formerly nature preserve island off California (no Jews allowed).

Segregated Space Shuttle. Tired of scenes of astronauts wasting your tax dollars floating around in a tin can doing the same things they always do accomplishing nothing new other than floating around. This is your chance to go for five months without seeing a person of color, as if they never existed.

The Michael Jackson Skin Graft Nose Job Clinic. Luxurious grounds only for the very rich Celtic-blooded celebrities and right wing pundits. All residents must be white or have at least a complete makeover to turn themselves into what looks like a white. White wife is also required. Those achieving white look who are not white may wait tables at the overpriced steak house.

SS Style Stud Farm. Combines conservative-based porn with “yaa-haa” breeding. Attempts to take selective stock of racially pure conservatives and mate them with perfect Aryan partners to out-populate undesirables, including Mexicans, to keep the land of the free from turning into Mexico by mid-century. Fun in the sun.

Celebrity Racist Bus Tour. This unique event combines reenactments of civil rights history with the view that it never took place. Famous right wing pundits sit in the front of an aged 1950s bus from Little Rock, Arkansas, while famous blacks (token Uncle Michael Steele) sit in the back. A celebration of knowing your proper place.

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