Columnist - John Sammon
I can’t figure out if George Bush’s stupidity is malicious, or just the innocent bumblings of a genuine simpleton, a true Cro-Magnon primitive.

You can tell by looking at the shape of his head he isn’t very bright.

Bush and his African American token Lisa Rice (he picked her despite her incompetence because her color would diffuse the widely understood notion that the Republican Party is racist), signed a deal with Poland to put missiles in that country.

Of course, Russia was infuriated by this.

Bush and Rice refer to the missiles as “defensive,” indicating both their naiveté and their “moronic” inclinations.

Bush evidently thinks this move, arming Poland, will make us all safer. He doesn’t read books. He doesn’t learn. He doesn’t know any better. He doesn’t know history.

World War One resulted because the powers in Europe all had binding treaties with each other in a spider web of guarantees to come to each others’ defense (really offense) if any of their small allies were attacked.

They turned each other into armed camps.

Thus, if one small country in the Balkans attacked another small country, the big countries were automatically required to enter the fray, widening it into an uncontrollable world-wide conflict. This prevented the localizing of the war (keeping it small).

Bush and his stooge Rice are doing this. It’s a repeat of 1914.

Rice said, “Poland would be considered (defended) as if it’s US soil.”

Brilliant Rice! When you’re stupid enough to say any attack anywhere on anybody is a direct attack on me, you limit your ability (flexibility) to prevent war. Not the other way around. Learn from 1914.

Bush can’t learn. He isn’t capable of it.

Hey wait a minute! This is also a repeat of 1962.

The 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis. In reverse. For those of you too young to remember, the Russians in 1962 tried to import missiles into Cuba 90 miles from Florida. Then-President John Kennedy told the Russians this was unacceptable. The world came to within an inch of nuclear World War Three before the Russians backed down under the threat of US military confrontation and had the missiles removed.

Now this jingo idiot (Bush) and his token stooge (Rice) are doing the same thing in reverse.

How would you feel if you were Russia and the world’s reigning superpower was arming all the little (formerly Russian) breakaway satellite countries on your borders, like Georgia? Wouldn’t you feel threatened, encircled, and paranoid? (The same dysfunctional feeling Germany and Russia felt in 1914).

For decades, presidents have been trying to disarm the world (by treaty, not war), to make war less likely. Bush is doing the opposite.

America is the most hypocritical country in the world. We arm everyone to buy their friendship like a bribe. All the while professing peace and accusing countries we don’t like of building their own weapons of mass destruction. We build weapons like mad and ship them. We then attack other countries based on false evidence they have weapons, but are angered whenever other countries follow our bad example and do what we do… attacking countries they don’t like.

We don’t lead by example.

We hold ourselves to a different set of double standards.

Bush is mad. He and his sycophant (Rice) have brought the world a step closer to Armageddon. When will we finally be rid of this man, this mediocrity who always makes the wrong choice? How much more damage can he do before his term is up?
I can’t understand why the American people (twenty percent of them, the ones with flags on their cars), turn a blind eye, and let Bush do this and get away with it.

Maybe they’re as stupid as he is.

Bush is the worst president in American history.

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Popularity: 3% [?]

   Columnist - John Sammon
Records are being set every day by steroid pill popping swimmers. Go ahead. Puff yourself up and feel proud. The pool is better than athletes had fifty years ago, the water treated chemically better, the swim suit designed better, the steroids are better, genetically engineered food is better.

You’re twice as big because of the steroids.

But you set a new record. Oh boy. Strut around. You’re better!

Meanwhile, the Chinese, a fascist dictatorship that is sort of also capitalist, puts on a showcase glorifying their country. Much like the 1936 Nazi Games in Berlin, the regime in Peking (I refuse to call it Beijing), has hidden away its torture victims and slaves being held without trial.

We love the Chinese. We equip them and trade with them and supply them. Bush, who yesterday warned the Russians not to attack US supplied Georgia (Gee, the US is the only country allowed to attack anyone), goes to China for a photo op and to act the big guy. This is the only thing he’s managed to do successfully, visit China. He’s only got six months left of the most disastrous presidential administration since Warren G. Harding.

Why does Bush love the Chinese?

They torture helpless people in jails.

They conquered and enslaved Tibet.

They massacred thousands during the Tiananmen Square riots.

They cut up executed prisoners and sell the body parts over the Internet.

It’s because they’re acting more like us (US). They have a McDonald’s in Peking. They don’t act crazy like Mao used to with those little red (Communist) books and Mao jackets and riding bicycles everywhere.

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Now they drive cars. We can understand that.

They’re just like us. Or maybe, it’s that we’ve become more like them.

We hold prisoners without trial.

We set up camps to hold them.

We attack other countries without warning because we’re in the right. I’ve got both a McDonald’s and a Chinese restaurant in my neighborhood.

Like the 1936 Olympic Games, when the Germans won the most Gold Medals, the Chinese are winning them left and right. Now am I naïve, or should I assume that a country that has continually demonstrated a total ruthless disregard for human rights might have an overwhelming urge to cheat to win to make their country look good?

The screams of their victims have been muffled until the Games are over.

We should limit the Games to only those countries who are honest, Switzerland and Nepal.

We won’t attack the Chinese anyway because we’re afraid of them. We only attack small impoverished countries that don’t have an air force or a navy. And like the Olympic athlete whose victory was made possible by super vitamins, we strut around after we beat the small impoverished country, proud of ourselves as being real tough.

We also depend on their (China’s) tortured prisoners to make our blue jeans. The slave Chinese prisoner makes the jean and is paid nothing and fed a bowl of maggot-infested gruel. The jean is then shipped over here and you buy it at Wal Mart for $99.95.

Sound fair?

All’s fair in geopolitics and the Olympic Games.

The Games should be disbanded because of terminal hypocrisy.

Popularity: 5% [?]

 Columnist - John Sammon
John McCain said Obama doesn’t seem to understand the price of failure in Iraq.

The price of failure in Iraq?

Let’s dissect this one statement. The price of failure? That means we can still fail. I thought McCain said the surge was a success. If we can still fail in Iraq, that means it (the surge) wasn’t very much of a success. Not a decisive success. It was a success, but not decisive. If it wasn’t decisive, how good was it? Let’s be generous to McCain and his philosophical mentor Bush and say the surge (flooding Baghdad with more troops) temporarily tamped down violence. In that one area.

A kind of band aid, it gives one the allusion temporarily that things are better, in one area of the country. Temporarily, it makes Bush and McCain look good. Or at least, better. The bad guys either lay low, or move their act somewhere else until the surge goes away.

If we can still fail in Iraq, if Obama is elected as McCain suggests, then how on the other hand can we achieve success? Though he hasn’t spelled anything out specifically because he doesn’t know himself, let’s once again be generous and assume McCain means “success” to mean a happy and prosperous and peaceful Iraq with a stable government.

When will that happen and how will it happen? Nobody knows.

McCain’s answer clearly is to achieve the middle. At least for the future. Keep troops in the country for the next fifty years. If we keep troops there, we haven’t succeeded, but we haven’t failed either. We’re still supposedly in control.
It’s the middle option. Neither success or failure. The status quo.

Like the surge, avoidance of failure gives the false impression we’re in control of the country, though not in compete control.

It’s an allusion, smoke and mirrors.

• McCain says he is the candidate for “change” (the new in-word).

• McCain is for offshore oil drilling in scenic areas (so is oil man Bush).

• McCain is the candidate for change.

• McCain is for a permanent occupation of Iraq (so is Bush).

• McCain is the candidate for change.

• McCain wants to let the free market somehow take care of global warming (so does Bush).Bush ignored global warming for eight years and finally last week admitted it’s a reality.

McCain is for change?

Where’s the change? Maybe McCain means pocket change.

McCain speaks in that humorless low monotone that hints he’s a determined man’s man (if you’re a hero singled out by destiny, you talk in a very serious manner). He drones on endlessly about how he was right in the very beginning and knew all the time the surge in Iraq would work even though Iraq was originally launched as a war to take out false weapons of mass destruction and is now explained as a war to end violence (the truth is whatever McCain says it is).

To McCain and Bush, change is to do nothing different, and success is simply to avoid failure, by failing from the very beginning and saying it isn’t (failure).

McCain is the candidate for no change.

Copyright 2008 Sammonsays.

   Image - Courtesy: Gary Varvel

Popularity: 7% [?]

 Columnist - John Sammon
Yeah man! Gas prices, higher, higher, higher.

I’m lovin’ it!

The higher the better!

What this will do is cause more Americans to cease being mass consumption glutinous hogs, and will ultimately help to save the North Pole from melting.

Let me explain. I know full well this will result in my branding as a left-wing traitor by right wing mass consuming racist nuts (I’m actually a former conservative who left the Republican Party because of their lying and cheating and lack of morality).

You might also try and call me a “negativist” who enjoys the misfortune of others. I on the other hand view myself as a “positivist,” a person who can see great possibilities in supposed dire situations.

Oh, I almost forgot. Gas prices may also help Americans to reclaim the lost soul of their country, a country evolved into greed, of feeling superior to other less abundant countries because of our material possessions, and our frequent purchase of “things.”

Let’s say you’re a typical greedy fat upper middle class guy who buys a new car every year because you discard the old car like a toy you’ve suddenly grown tired of, and you currently drive a huge, gas guzzling four-wheel-drive Hummer, a vehicle as big as the German tank that invaded Poland in World War Two. You smoke cigarettes and discard the butts. You carelessly toss trash at the beach and eat rich calorie-laden junk food like a hog at a trough. You have a three-story house that burns more energy than the entire consumption of Nigeria (that’s a country in Africa for those of you right wingers who are mad at this piece).

You’re a gas guzzling hog.

Rising prices huh? You can’t afford to be a pig anymore like two years ago. You have to actually put yourself on a budget. To conserve. The C word. Not the C word. Not that! Oh the pain of it.

You drive less, which causes less freeway congestion and less greenhouse emission melting the Polar Icecap (our natural air conditioning down here). You’re forced to cancel that automatic yearly Hawaiian vacation which in turn puts less pollution pressure there.

The irony here is, and it’s a supreme irony, is you’re forced into becoming a conservationist kicking and screaming even though you don’t like it by the very same people who made you an oil addict in the first place…..the oil companies and their secret cartels and their Saudi Arabian robber barons and their Washington lobbyists.

You’re forced to cut back on your lavish lifestyle you hog. To you, more is always better. The things you purchase make you feel worthy, temporarily, until you have to buy more things, and the money. There’s never enough, even though you have more than you need.

Right now, there’s a Chinaman who used to ride a bike in Beijing, but who now drives a car. He also wants to be a glutinous hog like you.

In fairness, I drive a car, though I’ve always left personally a very small ecologic footprint. I seldom buy anything. You might describe my lifestyle as that of an “esthete,” or “Spartan,” or “Ghandiesk.” For those of you right wing haters who never read a book, Mahatmas Gandhi was an Indian leader who stressed morality and restraint.

All I can say to those to whom any form of idealism and not just thinking only of themselves is real hell……welcome to my world.

Some people will lose their jobs because of oil prices, but they were probably jobs centered around addiction to oil which was wrong in the first place. Jobs can be retooled to meet the new demand for conservation and ecologically friendly living.

Rising oil prices will force Americans to seek alternative travel, mass transit, fuel efficient and hybrid and eventually electric cars, which will improve air quality and slow global warming. It will also teach you, the glutinous hog, that the world isn’t your private oyster to be abused any way you see fit. That every little you thing you do has an impact. Ultimately, it will also force you to become more humane, more aware of others who are less fortunate.

Being forced to walk a little more may help stall that heart attack you the hog are now working towards.

Rising oil prices will also help end the economic-political strangle hold the Saudis and others have over us because we won’t need their oil. It will end their outsourced power and put them in their proper place among the community of nations.

I’m lovin’ it!

I hope gas goes up to $10 a gallon.

Like we used to yell at the football game, “hit ‘em again, hit ‘em again..harder…harder!”

Copyright 2008 Sammonsays

Popularity: 16% [?]

 Columnist - John Sammon
“That isn’t the Scott McClellan I knew. Is that the Scott McClellan you knew?”

“No! The Scott McClellan I knew could tell a lie we told him and then keep a lie a lie.”

“What are we gonna do?”

George Bush is holding a meeting with his inner circle, Vice President Dick Cheney, right wing philosopher-idealog Karl Rove, Rove’s buddy Scooter, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, a few sycophants, and former secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld is there because he hopes to get his old job back.

“Is there any way we can….you know…..screw him (McClellan)?” Bush asks.

“Didn’t Nixon ask the same things about Dick Cavett (talk show host)?” Scooter asks.

“I don’t know. Ask Dick (Cheney). You were there weren’t you? Watergate?”

“I don’t remember,” Cheney says.

“Can we screw him (McClellan)?”

“We’re trying. It’s not easy,” Rove says.

“Maybe we can get him to go hunting with Dick (Cheney),” Scooter teases.

“Fu.’k you,” Cheney says. “I kept you out of jail. You just remember that.”

“But if we can make it implausible, then it’s implacably deniable, isn’t it?” Bush asks.

Rice interjects. “It has to be taken in the context of……”

“Shut up Farina!” Bush tells Rice (Farina, the black kid in the 1930s Little Rascals comedies, is Bush’s pet name for Rice). “When I want your opinion I’ll give it to ya.’ Go get me some coffee.”

Rice hurries off.

“Hey, remember when you slapped that German president (Chancellor Angela Merkel) on the back and told her, ‘yo, hey babe?’”

“Don’t change the subject,” Bush tells Scooter. “Remember, we got you out of jail.”

“Maybe we could try the (Rudolph) Hess thing,” Cheney says.

“What’s that?”

“Remember when Hess flew to England and embarrassed Hitler? Hitler said Hess was crazy.”

“No, it’s been done. We need something new.”

“But McClellan flipped out. Why?”

“Maybe I didn’t give him enough vacation time on my ranch,” Bush says. “It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna fu.’k him. We can control the truth here. We did it in Iraq.”

“He (McClellan) said the war was unnecessary,” Cheney adds.

“I know he did,” Bush snorts. “It became necessary when I said it was necessary.”

“But what about deniability?” Rove asks.

“You can’t deny that,” Bush says.

“Oh yes you can,” Rumsfeld interrupts.

“Who asked you?” Bush snarls. “You’re out of work. If you hadn’t fu’ked everything up, we wouldn’t be in this mess. I want the ability to plausibly deny the undeniable.”

“He’s (McClellan’s) become a left wing blogger,” Rove says.

“That’s it!” Bush says.

“Yeah!” Rove agrees. “We paint him as a traitor, as disloyal, as a bad American.”

“Yeah! Anybody who’s not with us is against us,” Bush chortles. “We did it to Kerry (former presidential candidate), the no-good sonofabitch!”

“A left wing blogger.”

“Just keep using that title over and over, like when we said weapons of mass destruction over and over in Iraq,” Bush instructs. “The public will eventually buy into it. But don’t call (Ted) Kennedy left wing. He’s sick and some of the bastards like him. If you do, I’ll just deny it.”

“It’s plausible.”

“Yeah.”

Popularity: 25% [?]