Columnist – John Sammon
Six top strategists of the Republican Party, Terry, Karen, Bill, Kelly, Ed and Todd meet to discuss what went wrong with the Health Care vote.
“We had him, we had him,” Todd says. “I don’t understand. How did he do it?”
“It’s that bitch Pelosi,” Ed says.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Kelly says.
“Good,” Ed says.
“That college nigger was ready to go down the drain just a month ago. What did we do wrong?” Todd asks.
“You’re the one who told me the nigger wasn’t like a cat who always lands on his feet,” Ed says. “That we had him in the bag. Remember, that’s what you said.”
“I never said any such thing,” Todd says.
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“Yes, and you’re a very good one.”
“Enough already,” Terry says. “The question now is, where do we go from here?”
“We can get Palin to say he’s turning America into a socialist paradise for niggers, although she shouldn’t use the word nigger,” Ed says.
“Yeah, the bitch would have to write it on her hand,” Todd jokes.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Kelley says.
“Why don’t you and Karen go and get us coffee,” Bill says.
The two women leave the room.
“Couple of dykes,” Ed jokes.
The three men laugh.
“Now where were we?”
“What to do about the college nigger.”
“Yeah, the next thing you know, he’ll call for an end to the war,” Ed says.
“We have to come up with something on him,” Bill says. “A scandal or something.”
“I know,” Terry says, raising his hand. “He smokes cigarettes. Let’s make something out of that.”
“No. Everybody already knows that. People don’t seem to care.”
“If only he fooled around with white women.”
“No such luck.”
“I’m telling you,” Ed says, his face turning crimson with anger. “If that communist college nigger goes down in history as a great president, I’ll renounce my citizenship. I’ll leave the country.”
“Easy big boy,” Bill soothes Ed.
“Yeah, where’s Lee Harvey Oswald when you need him?” Terry says.
“We need to keep hammering away at the anti-big government theme,” Bill says. “With luck, if the economy stays sour and the people suffer, they’ll blame him.”
“Who?”
“The college nigger.”
“We need to get our own college nigger,” Todd says. “Someone who will do what we want.”
“We tried that before,” Ed says. “Remember Jindal?”
“He was only a half-nigger Indian,” Todd says.
“Maybe his kid is into drugs,” Ed says.
“The college nigger? Not a chance,” Todd says.
“It’s okay for you guys to use the word nigger here, but don’t use it anywhere else,” Bill says.
They nod.
“Then what are we going to do? We talked about suing the bastards over health care. What are the chances?”
“Less than fifty-fifty.”
“Then what?”
“Convince the American people we’re for small government and family values. But we need something else. We need a lightening-rod issue. Sooner or later one is bound to come up.”
The phone rings. Todd answers it.
“Hey it’s Rush. He wants to know if you want to go to lunch.”
“Tell the fat bastard he better pick up the check this time. He eats like a hog and never pays. The cheap sonofabitch.”
They laugh.
“Meeting adjourned.”
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